


Meet the God-Parents

by Robin_GrimmGoodfellow



Series: The Adventures of a Dark Lord in Disguise [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF!Neville, F/M, M/M, Nothing Hurts, Severus and Harry are buds, Tom is nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 20:44:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1955523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin_GrimmGoodfellow/pseuds/Robin_GrimmGoodfellow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wanders home late at night, and is stopped by his godfather, leading to an interesting evening with his boyfriend-type-person meeting the (god)parents. Whoever said the Dark Lord didn't do domestic?</p><p>Crossposted to my FF.net account</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meet the God-Parents

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read this in months. It was the first full piece that I came to in my (huge!) archive of unfinished works that I have. It may suck. Enjoy!

It was a calm and cool night when Harry snuck inside his residence at Grimould Place. He was nearing his seventh year - soon to become a man and take a wife if he wished.But right now, all he wanted was to bypass Dumbledore, Sirius, (both somehow brought back to life - think whatever you want, the authoress doesn't care as long as  you believe that they came back from the dead mostly unharmed) Snape, and Molly to get into his soft, warm bed. Alas, it was not to be.

"FILTHY MUDBLOOD! HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE THE GREAT HALLS OF MY ANCESTORS HOUSE!" Harry twitched as Sirius latched onto his arm.

"Harry! Where have you been? Snape just got back from a Death Eater meeting a few minutes ago, come and sit with us until he's done.

Harry just sighed, knowing that he was most likely going to spill a secret because of his short temper and lack of sleep, before complying, and letting his godfather lead the way to the kitchen.

"-and that's almost everything that I have for you, Headmaster."

Harry sighed again in relief as Snape's harsh voice cut through the air, knowing someone was on his side when this was over.

"Wait. One more thing," the professor's silky voice continued, leading Harry to glare at the Potions Master as he came into view, along with the rest of the Order in the kitchen.

"The Dark Lord has ordered that more effort be put into bringing Potter back - and this time alive and unharmed."

Harry could feel his eye twitching.

"Really, Severus? Should I make mention of the fact that it is highly unlikely that You-Know-Who would find Harry in the first place, even less so that he would order his Death Eaters not to harm Harry," Sirius, scowling, questioned as he started reaching for a leftover chair nearby, leaving the only empty one next to Snape.

Harry gave a death-glare to his godfather, and was pleased to see him flinch. Snape also seemed to wince, having been on the receiving end of that glare more times than he could count. Including now.

"And what of this other Dark Lord? Who is he, and what connection does he have to Voldemort?" The question came from one of the others in the kitchen, one of the adults that nobody cares about except to pad conversations.

Harry started cursing in his head. Damn that old blabbering fool! Damn him to the pits of hell!

Snape smirked, knowing Harry's uneasiness with the topic.

"He seems to be very special to the Dark Lord. So special, in fact, that he insulted the Dark Lord, and all the original Dark Lord did was frown!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "You're conveniently forgetting the part where the new Dark Lord threatened anyone to harm his Dark Lord because his Dark Lord was fragile. I think that Voldemort was still shocked over having another threaten his followers."

Severus' lips twitched into what could be called a smirk if one didn't know him better. "Ahh, yes, but might I remind you of the time when the new Dark Lord, let's call him Harry, started kissing the old Dark Lord, whom we shall call Tom, while Tom was trying to convince Harry to convince you to come over to the Dark Side."

"And Harry must have distracted Tom well before you and Lucius decided to come in unannounced."

Harry's lips twitched into what was definitely a smirk as Severus shuddered.

"It was awful. Them…on the desk…I can never work at it again."

"At least they didn't follow through on their threat to have a go at it in your potions lab at Hogwarts…or did they?" Anyone could see the pure, unadulterated terror in the professor's eyes.

"They wouldn't," he breathed.

"They would." Now everyone was confused.

"Harry? How do you know such things? And what's going on, dear?" The calm voice of Molly Weasley broke through the trance that everyone was in.

"You do know Tom's going to kill you when he finds out you told without him there, right?" Harry slammed his head on the table at Severus' words.

The soft "Damnit" was mumbled into the table, too soft for most of the Order to hear.

Severus patted his back reassuringly. "Don't worry; I'm sure that he wouldn't kick you out of his rooms for too long."

Harry shuddered, as did Sirius at the implications.

Just then, Ron and Hermione ran into the room, followed closely by Luna, Ginny and Neville.

"I told them that you were fine, Harry," Luna's calm voice said.

"Harry! You're okay! I thought that Voldemort had you." Hermione would have tackled him if she wasn't held back by her boyfriend.

Severus smirked as he said, "He did."

Luna frowned. "That is not your secret to tell, Archie!"

Harry's grimace turned into a full-blown laugh at the memory of 'Archie'. "How do you know about that?"

Luna shrugged. "The same way I know that Voldemort has a new body. Draco."

Severus 'ahhed' and looked at Harry. "When were you planning on telling me that Luna knew?" the professor asked.

"About the same time I told them."

"So, never?"

Harry nodded. "I'm gonna be right back. Luna, wanna come with?"

She nodded immediately, knowing what Harry was going to do. "Of course I would like you to bring You-Know-Whos to us for the others to meet!"

Harry grinned and ran to the fireplace, followed closely behind by Luna. They picked up a handful of the powder nearby, threw it in the fireplace, and shouted out their destination.

"Malfoy Manor!"

* * *

Severus POV.

 

I stared as Harry and Luna left Grimould Place, intent on bringing back Draco Malfoy and Tom Riddle. I couldn't stop the involuntary smirk that came at the shocked faces of the other Order members, including Dumbledore. It's so humorous when the old fool really is an old fool.

"I guess I'll make it easier for them when they come back, so Tom won't go off and kill anyone because they pressure Harry. Don't make a fuss over Potter. He knows what he's doing, surprisingly. You know about how the Dark Lord has been inactive lately, supposedly? Well, that's a lie." I raised my hand for silence as the group broke out into shouting, mostly wondering if I'm loyal to the Order after all.

"And the Dark Lords know about my spying. If anyone says one more thing, I'll silence you all. Including you, Headmaster. Now, where was I? The spying, yes? The Dark Lords know about my spying. This isn't a problem, because the old Dark Lord is reforming. Yes, he can actually change after all these years of bloodshed and violence.

"He's been killing off Death Eaters who don't do what he says exactly or goes off on their own and kill people just for the fun of it. And it's all the new Dark Lord's fault. He's the one to change the old Dark Lord. And if you even think about splitting them apart, well, the new Dark Lord happens to like me so much the old Dark Lord most likely wouldn't harm me for killing a bunch of people not by his orders."

"And why would we do that? Obviously, the new Dark Lord is doing more good than harm, so why should we change that?" the matriarch of the Weasley Clan questioned.

I could see the Longbottom boy's eyes widen in obvious shock. "It's him, isn't it Professor?"

I rolled my eyes, despising the obvious answers being repeated. "Who else would it be, Longbottom?"

He shrugged, uncaring of my unpleasing visage. "Some random homeless guy who likes to kill people. Not that random homeless guy who likes to kill people."

I almost frowned - almost. "He is not homeless. And he doesn't like to kill people. Much."

The soon-to-be-seventh year just shrugged. "Well, he doesn't live here, he can't live there, and he won't live with his family. I'd say he's homeless."

I raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you get so smart?"

Longbottom smirked. "Since you told the answer out to everyone. Also, he's the only one - and I mean the only one - who could convince Voldemort to change."

I nodded, repeating, "Again, since when did you get so smart?"

The boy just shrugged as the know-it-all, Granger, decided to stick her nose in. "Actually, he's been smart all along. You just couldn't tell because you were yelling at him. Not to sound rude, of course."

I scowled, continuing past her bossiness with "Ten points from Gryffindor when we get back to school. Fifty points for figuring out first. That evens out to forty ahead of everyone else - for now."

Weasley stared, shockingly stating "You can do that?" as Granger nodded, explaining, "Yes, but it's not done often because very rarely are there professors where there are students over a break.

Then there was a commotion near the fireplace.

"Ouch Luna!"

"Tom get off-"

"I wouldn't have to if her boyfriend didn't step on mine-"

"I wouldn't have stepped on him if you didn't shove me into the fireplace!"

"And I'm sure he only shoved you because you were slow, Draco."

"Hey, I didn't shove you into my Harry."

I rolled my eyes as the supposed teenagers continued to bicker and the supposed adults got up and started running to the fireplace.

"Harry! Are you alri-"

"Yes, old fool, as if I'd ever let anything happen to my Harry," Tom interrupted, sounding falsely hurt.

"Tom Riddle?"

"The one and only, old fool."

Dumbledore instantly had a wand pointed straight at Tom. "Harry, back away from him slowly. Come over here, please."

I rolled my eyes at Dumbledore's tricks. "He won't go, you know," I stated conversationally.

"And why the bloody hell not?!"

"Ronald! Watch your mouth, young man!" the disapproving sounds of a mother scolding her wayward son brought joy to my old, calloused heart.

I could see Tom trying to fight a smirk.

"You're right, Harry. Your friends are much more interesting than mine are."

"You're also feared my most of them, and the ones that aren't scared of you are bloody insane."

"He has a point, Tom," I said, waving my hand towards Harry. "I mean, look at the person who you're dating! Parents murdered at a young age, physically and mentally tortured by the people Dumbledore thought fit to overlook the Savior of the Wizarding World, his godfather is Sirius Black for pity's sake; how can he be mentally sane?"

"Remember who I am, Severus. Don't tempt me," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

I dropped into a deep, mocking bow. "Of course not, Lord Harry, I shall not do such a thing in the Dark Lords' presence."

"Good. Now, what were you talking about before we came in?"

I shrugged and Longbottom spoke up, saying, "I figured out who the new Dark Lord was while Professor Snape explained about Voldemort reforming because of the new Dark Lord. He then explained, more like threatened on the cause of death, that keeping the Dark Lords together was the smartest idea."

I play-frowned. "He didn't even scream. It wasn't funny at all."

"There, there," Harry said, rolling his eyes and patting me on the back, "I'm sure Molly would scream loud enough for all of them."

"So…now what?" one of the Weasley brats questioned.

"How about explaining all of this to me, your godfather?" The mutt truly does have the slowest uptake, doesn't he?

"I believe I know what's going on, Lord Harry," Remus said, smirking.

"How do you know?"

Remus rolled his eyes before answering, "Do you think that my senses are that dull, Harry? I could practically smell you all over Severus when he came home from the 'Death Eater' meeting."

Sirius stared in horror at me. "You…Harry…no…are…"

Harry's eyes widened as I started shaking.

"You better not be," Tom growled. "Harry is mine."

Harry turned and pressed his face into Tom's shoulder. "Me…Sev…the images!" He was shaking with terror.

"Obliviate me. Now. I wish to forget that thought ever crossed your mind." I held my wand out to Remus calmly. "Please. I believe Harry would like you to as well, but don't quote me on that."

"Yes," Harry moaned, "Please get rid of the images…"

I shuddered as the thought of the youngster in a provocative pose crossed my mind again.

"If you ever suggest such a thing again, Sirius Black, I will not hesitate to place you in a locked room with Nagini after stripping you of any and all magical advantages," Tom said in a cool voice.

"So, I'm guessing that's a 'no' then?" Weasley said, "Because I would really like to obliviate myself right now."

Harry continued shaking in Tom's arms.

Tom hissed something to Harry, who hissed back after a few seconds.

* * *

Harry POV.

 

-Shh, be calm. I won't let you go anywhere.-

-I know it's just…Severus! Uncle Sev who took care of me…How can Sirius think like that?-

Tom shrugged and murmured in my ear, -You're the one that knows him, you tell me.-

I shook my head and nestled deeper into his arms.

"What is going on?"

I made a whining noise in the back of my throat and Tom must have glared at whoever spoke, because there was the sound of Draco chuckling and a number of gasps which might have been made if Sev decided to smirk in a non-evil way.

"Severus Snape I swear if you're smirking at whoever Tom glared at I'll put you on guard duty for a week, do you hear me?"

"Yes, Lord Harry."

I shook my head and patted Tom on the shoulder. "Alright, love, I think I'm fine now. Possibly."

He just grinned; most likely because I called him love. "'Course, Harry."

I looked at Ron and Hermione, the latter of which was just staring at me in shock.

"Is that…"

I shrugged. "My boyfriend, a dark creature, Lord Tom, the Dark Lord, Voldemort, a pony, something pink, a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater, cute, adorable, smart, all of the above?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I was going to say Voldemort."

I nodded. "Yeah. He is."

Everyone stared in shock before Molly fainted.

"Damn, that's it?" I pouted before Hermione started screaming and the Twins started laughing their asses off.

"Good one Harry-"

"Dating the Dark Lord-"

"Always knew you had it in ya-"

"To seduce the darkest wizard of our time-"

"And bring him to the light-"

"Because you surely aren't going dark-"

"Are you?"

I shrugged, indecisive. "He's not decidedly completely Dark, I'm not completely Light. He decided not to try to kill Muggleborns, I decided not to try to kill him. Not like that means much, as if I'd kill my Dark Lord," I drawled, scoffing at the thought.

Three more bangs of people hitting the floor - Tonks, Arthur, and Minerva.

"Damnit! I owe Bella twenty galleons. But she and Narcissa owe be both fifteen for Sirius not killing Harry's boyfriend on sight."

I glared at Severus. "When were you telling me about the betting pool?"

"When you told the Order."

"So, never?"

"Pretty much."

I rolled my eyes and pulled Tom to the kitchen, instead of the hall where we had all been standing after falling through the fireplace, Luna and Draco following. When we sat down, Dumbledore started waving my wand over me in complicated patterns.

Tom reached up and snatched Dumbledore's wrist. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure he's not impurised."

"He's not."

"I'm just checking, my dear boy. Now, Harry, what form does your patronus take?"

"A purple pony from the land of pansies and buttercups designed to make manipulative old idiots look like the fools they are."

"I believe that's not the correct answer, imposter," Dumbledore said, standing up and brandishing his wand in a frightful manner.

"Actually, Albus, it was," Moony said, coming to my defense. "I decided to change the answer to that long and complicated response instead of a stag because everyone knew Harry's patronus was a stag."

"Actually," Tom said, "I didn't. At least, not until Harry's fifth year, but that's beside the point. The point was, none of the Death Eaters knew."

Moony shrugged. "It was in the Prophet one day. I figured anyone would know if they cared enough to look."

"I knew, actually," Draco said.

"Dray…"

He raised his hands in front of his face. "I didn't tell anyone, swear, m'Lord! Well, 'cept for Tom, but he would have hurt Mother if I hadn't!"

I glared at Tom, who looked sheepishly at the ground. "Tom…"

"I'm sorry?" He looked at me with a completely innocent and repentant expression I completely melted.

We kissed for a few seconds until "AUGH! MY EYES! MY PURE, INNOCENT EYES!" I glared at the animagus who interrupted us.

"If you're pure, I'm a Dark Lord. Wait…I am a Dark Lord. Never mind."

Sirius shuddered. "Now I know how you feel. I almost wish I could wash my brain with bleach."

"Almost, Tom, almost," I said, inturrupting the devious thought processes no doubt srolling through Tom's head.

-Are you sure?-

-Yes. I am. Now shut up and kiss me.-

He proceeded to do so.

"AUGH MY EYES! MY PURE, INNOCENT, SOMEWHAT INJURED EYES!"

"RONALD! WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME KISS TOM?!"

Draco patted me on the back. "I feel your pain, Harry. I truly do."

-Should we just tell them how this happened?-

"No, I will not tell them how you and I happened Tom unless they ask politely and Dumbledore stops trying to kill you."

"Fine. I tried, all. Don't blame me when something - coughHarrycough - kills you."

I watched the loud-mouthed events unfolding in front of me, suddenly feeling the events of today crashing down on me, and I sagged in my chair, also called Tom's lap.

"Harry? Are you alright?"

I nodded languidly. "Yeah…I'm gonna…go…bed…"

Tom nodded and stood me up. "You'll be alright?"

I nodded, my head lolling slightly. "Yeah. 'S long as Sirius' mom's picture stays quiet, I'll be fine." I spoke too soon.

As I was walking past the portrait, the curtains suddenly swung open and she started screaming. "MUDBLOOD PEST! DEFILING THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS! BLOOD TRAITORS, THE LOT OF YOU! GET OUT OF MY HOUS-"

"SHUT UP, WOMAN!" I screamed at her, practically feeling her shock.

"L-l-lord Harry! It's a p-p-pleasure to me-e-et you." She stuttered, lying through her teeth.

"I SAID SHUT UP! YOU'VE BEEN SCREAMING AT ME FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS! IT ENDS NOW! YOU WILL JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, BECAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF DEALING WITH YOU EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. MY MATE, LORD VOLDEMORT, IS HERE. I DEMAND SILENCE! I ALSO WISH TO SLEEP NOW, SO YOU WILL NOT UTTER A WORD FOR THE SIX TO EIGHT HOURS THAT I'M SLEEPING, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"My Lord, Lord V-v-v-"

"I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

"Yes, sir," she murmured quietly.

"Good." I swayed on my feet again, only to be met with the floor as I collapsed into a tired heap, the last of my reserves utterly sapped. I waved my hand tiredly over me and a small blanket formed. A figure walked out of the kitchen, pulling me into their arms.

-Shh, sleep love. I'll protect you.-

I nodded off, held in a set of protective arms that surrounded me completely.

* * *

Tom POV.

 

I walked into the kitchen after setting Harry into what I assumed was his room, only to be met with complete and total silence. "What's wrong?" I asked, looking to Severus for answers.

"That painting was Sirius' mother. She never stops screaming. We've been trying to get her to shut up, or to remove the canvas since you returned. It hasn't worked, and the only way to get her to be quiet is to shut the curtains - or so we thought. It seems Harry has an unnatural control over her…"

"Or she's scared shitless of him when he's mad, which is the normal reaction," came the delightful insight from Draco.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Malfoy. Anyone who's sane, and even some who aren't, would be afraid of Harry when he's in a mood," the youngest male redhead, presumably Harry's 'best friend', said.

Sirius just stared out the door. "All this time of dealing with her…and all we had to do was sic Harry on her."

I smirked. "Well, I'm glad I could be of some help. Seeing as how you're done with the questioning, I'll just go now and watch over Harry."

Severus nodded towards me, followed by a bow from Draco and a curtsy from Luna.

"Go, Tom, I'll tell you if anything happens."

I smiled at Luna, nodding my head towards her thankfully.

"Please do, Moony. And thanks."

A smile flitted across her face before it disappeared, leaving her usual distracted expression behind. "Will do, Tom. Now, get to your Harry before he falls off a cliff."

I took heed to her words (the words of a seer often speak unusual truth) and ran up the stairs, leaving a bunch of goody-two-shoes behind, running to my Dark Lord - Harry James Potter.


End file.
